why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
