and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
