This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
