PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
