Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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