I bet he comes in French.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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