im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
