He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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