Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
