how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My vagina is officially offended.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
