And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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