i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
