Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
