Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
