you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
