I got chris browned last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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