Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
