Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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