Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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