I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
