who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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