Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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