This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
