I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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