I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
