Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A+ Viking dick
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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