I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
