new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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