Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
