I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
