There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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