bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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