I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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