a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
