thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
