i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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