I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
