i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
