I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
