How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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