last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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