is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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