Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
