im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize