I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
