Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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