I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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