I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
