i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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