I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
