You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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