I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
