I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
