Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
