I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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