Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
