Ambien. No doubt about it.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
