pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
