What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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