After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
