I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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