I heard we made out
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
