i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
