i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
