the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
