I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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