i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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