I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
