i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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