first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
