yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
