Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
