giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
