dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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